Vow of Patience
by idratherbeinthesun
Summary: Brittany had vowed to be patient. Sometimes life can throw you for a loop.


Brittany loved many people in her life; her parents, her younger sister, and even her cousin Seth who used to pull on her pigtails and call her "Freckles," just to rile her up. She loved these people not just because they were family, but because they settled something within the blonde. Sometimes she felt lost in the world's chaos, but those closest to her could soothe her worries with little effort. So when she fell off the monkey bars in third grade and Santana Lopez offered to escort her to the school nurse, she added another name to her loved ones list. Shaking with shock, Brittany had squeezed Santana's hand like a vice. The smaller girl said nothing, and simply endured the pain from the blonde's tight grip. When Brittany emerged from the nurse's station ten minutes later, Santana had been waiting, scuffing her converse-clad feet against the linoleum floor. Brittany knew, in that instant, Santana was special. The usually apathetic girl had patiently waited for her without any hidden agenda, and Brittany vowed to do the same, whenever it was needed.

From that first encounter, the dynamic duo was inseparable. No one else could join their games because they'd always feel like the third wheel. That was, until high school, when Barbies and babydolls were replaced by Cosmo magazines and iPods, and the comfortable twosome welcomed Quinn Fabray into their fold. Even as mere freshmen, the fierce threesome walked the halls of William McKinley High School as if they owned it. Brittany liked Quinn alright, but no one could hold a candle to Santana.

It was the summer after Freshman year when Brittany realized her feelings for Santana extended beyond the scope of "best friends." It wasn't Quinn she thought of before she fell asleep and it wasn't Quinn who made butterflies swarm in her belly. No, Brittany found herself dreaming of mocha, bee-stung lips that were sure to taste like cool mint since Santana loved the tingly feeling of peppermint chapstick. And when Santana's pinky was linked in her own, Brittany secretly wanted to slide her hand up and lace all their fingers together like a quilt. On one of their routine sleepovers, one that Quinn had to miss for some family event, Brittany turned toward Santana in the full sized bed. The brunette's eyes were closed and her breathing was slowly descending into deep sleep. Mustering all her courage, Brittany scooted her body against her friend and lowered her lips to the ones she had been so desperate to taste. When Santana's eyes snapped open in shock, Brittany recoiled like a kicked puppy. But Santana's eyes softened and when her rich, decadent voice told Brittany it was ok, and that she actually _liked_ it, a warmth spread through the blonde like lava. That night was filled with slow, anxious kisses and nervous giggles that filled Brittany to the brim with hope.

Throughout that summer and Sophomore year the relationship between the two girls became more complex. They experimented sexually and found mutual enjoyment in frequent sleepovers, tangled together in a knot of naked flesh and thin sheets. To Brittany, it was the start of something magical. What could be better than being in love with your best friend? She had visions of them spending Valentine's Day together and getting ready for Prom as each others' dates. It made her stomach clench when Santana refused to recognize the budding relationship. But Brittany would always think back to the day she saw Santana sitting outside the nurse's office, and the vow she made to remain patient would echo in her head.

Brittany was patient. She was_ more_ than patient. The bubbly blonde knew that Santana was scared to confront her feelings, but what was so bad about them being together? After years of waiting, hearing Santana admit her love sent Brittany into a tailspin. She had ached for those words night after night and each day she had been left empty handed. But she was with Artie. Sweet, simple, confident Artie who proudly displayed her as his girlfriend…to _everyone. _So it was with a heavy heart and burning lungs that she watched Santana stalk away, her walls once again sky high.

The memory of tears staining Santana's smooth cheeks still manages to make Brittany's breath hitch. It had been the hardest thing for her to remain rooted to the floor and not run after the girl she had been in love with for so long. Even after ending her relationship with Artie and starting fresh with Santana, Brittany could never forget that moment. It was engrained in her memory as the pinnacle of her vow betrayal. She had promised to be patient. She had promised to wait. And she had failed. More than anything, it was disappointment in herself. Yes, she was finally in a relationship with Santana and things were pretty much all she ever wanted, but she couldn't erase the memory of Santana's eyes losing their flicker of life. It haunted her time and again. Sometimes at night, she would wake up with tears streaming down her face, and even when Santana was there to fold her into an embrace and hush her back to sleep, she couldn't help but accept the guilt that ebbed through her.


End file.
